Money. How do we make ends meet? Are we willing to make the sacrifices needed to truly get ourselves on better footing? Do we have a choice? Why does it seem to disappear as fast as we earn it?
Friends. Am I a good friend? How can I connect more? Do the boys need outside playmates? Should I be more proactive in arranging playdates? Would restarting a Moms' group be in my best interest?
Jobs. When do I need to go back to full-time work? What kind of job am I qualified for? Is it possible for me to be a stay-at-home mom indefinitely? What if the parents of the children I am supposed to babysit for in the fall are unable to find jobs?
Family. Why haven't I scheduled a visit to my only living Grandma's house? Are the boys connected to their extended family? Am I a good daughter, wife, mother, cousin, aunt???? Why do I still wish to have more children when there are days I can't handle the three I have?
My place in life. I'm happy as a stay-at-home mom, but should I want more? Am I wasting my talents by staying home? What are my talents?
My health. If I really want to lose weight why am I sitting at the computer? Why can't I convince my 34 year-old self to eat healthier? Are vegetables evil?
And so it goes....my brain, the endless diatribe. Happy weekend.
2 comments:
Michelle,
Thanks for putting your thoughts into words. I think about many of the same things on a daily basis. I think it is a women and mother thing. Always, "Am I good enough". As a stay-at-home mom you don't get a semi-annual progress report. We don't really see the fruits of our labor for 20+ years.
I just try to remember that my parents were far from perfect and I am still a functioning member of society :)
Hope you can shut your mind off for a while this weekend. Levi and Lennon are gone camping, Makena is napping and I am just going to do nothing!!
P.S. Vegetables are not evil!!
You really thought of all of that this morning? Wow! :) I hear you, though. Being a mom and wife is hard enough, but then trying to figure out what's best for everyone involved (and balancing monetary, emotional, and other issues)is a whole other problem. I do find taking things one at a time helps (as does living in the current moment, with brief thoughts of the future). I also pray-a lot-for wisdom, discernment and the general ability to get through a moment.
As for the vegetable thing (and getting healthy thing), I heard someone on TV this week talk about how it needs to become a lifestyle choice-not a diet, not something you do for a bit of time, but something you embrace either for yourself or your family, too. I highly recommend "The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood" by Dr. Sears. He's the man who single-handedly convinced me to feed our whole family better, most of the time. Then again, I sent BK to the store tonight to buy cheetos, but hey, at least 1. they weren't already in the house and 2. he bought a small bag! Good luck with all of your decisions.
And, you are a great cousin! :)
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