An explanation....

I've been asked by a few readers to post a little more frequently throughout the week.  While much of life at home with the boys is amusing and exasperating anecdotes, life is a bit more complicated.  As those close to me know, I have battled with depression for years.  Lately, I've been having a harder time seeing the cute and funny things in life, rather, I've been feeling a bit low.  Hence, I haven't been in the mood to write about life with the boys.  By now I know when I need to seek help and when to let it ride with the knowledge that the funk will soon lift.  This is one of those times that I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel and the funk is beginning to dissipate.

While the funk is clearing, I am not yet back to my "normal" self.  However, I am happy to answer some questions that will most assuredly pop into your heads after reading the above paragraph.

When did my first bout with depression occur?  Looking back probably high school, junior year to be more specific.

What brought it on?  At the time it was probably situational, my grandpa died, my relationship with my parents was your typical teenage give and take, and my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me.  I have a sneaking suspicion that for me there is also a genetic component.  This will be something I deal with for life.

When did I first seek professional help?  The year after I graduated from college I finally sought professional help.  I have seen numerous counselors, some good, some bad.  I am currently checking in with a psychiatrist about every six to twelve months.

Do you take medication?  Yes, I happily take my little blue pills (the generic Prozac) every morning.  I have been on and off anti-depressants since the year after college.  My longest stretch off was the months following my exit from medical school through having Sam.  I went back on about a year after having Sam and was on during my pregnancy with Andrew.  Right now, Prozac works best for me; I will probably be on it or another anti-depressant for life.

Does the Prozac dull your emotions?  Make you feel numb?  Actually it's quite the opposite.  The medication allows me to maintain a more even baseline.  I still have my ups and downs.  My downs just no longer govern my life.

So that's my depression in a nutshell; the Cliff-notes version, if you will.   I want to thank my greatest supporters for helping me weather my periodic storms (like leaving mochas on my porch!) and especially Ben who has stuck with me through it all.  I think it helps to talk about it.  Like a diabetic who needs insulin, I need my fluoxetine to help me through the day.  By acknowledging my depression, I take away some of its power -- and that makes a difference.  Who knew writing a blog would be the cheapest therapy out there....oh wait, my cousin did!